Ok after starting off on the right foot today I ended on a really low one. Idk why i allowed myself to sink into another funk. I thought things were going great but thats not the case. Evidently i cant have these butterflies. Nor can I have happiness without it being tainted in some manner.... It hurts that im on the hook for the problems but not for the good times.... Why am I the subject of the drama when u "have" him? Is he supposed to just accept u without the things that ur telling me? Im so confused.... Yeah im here for u and always will be. What is the answer for me? Why am I the one that needs to console u.... why do i have to push u? Why are u coming to me with this?
Its not that I dont want u to but im just asking why?
Im trying to give u the freedom and dthe space that u would want and need. But evidently Im the only person who will tell u what u need to hear. If u really felt like this was a good decision because of feelings then u wouldnt have come to me with this.... He would have been there texting u or talkin to u about it.
Next I think I need to just man up and realize that im supposed to be the backbone for me right now.... sure Ashley is great and shes fun and a good person.... If I'm so happy with this why am i sstill talking to anyone else? What am I looking for? Why do I feel like the person to cater to the problems because u dont want him to feel like ur unstable?..... It sucks for me to be that guy....
I miss it all I wish it all were back to normal but u know what? I am here but one day I need to be free......
One day....
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