This one is just simply me in a nutshell

Ok so I feel like the past 6 months have been rocky at best.  We've had great times and we've had some pretty horrible times where i wasnt sure we were gonna last the night.... With that said i want to take this chance and try to make everything fit into its own place working for us.

Everything starts with time....
TIME= past, present, and future

Past- We got off to a rapid start waiting to connect with one another in person
 maybe this kind of set off the intense feelings because from my end i liked u so much just through phone calls and skype convos.... how could it not be love?
-Maybe that was where we started sprinting towards things that are not in our near future...

-1st being sexual
    -I love having sex with u, but we never had time to build to that level. u know the first kiss? the first makeout? the first hands? mouths? thats the part we skipped just getting to the climax and making it happen rather than allowing our lust override our feelings of love...... I believe thats where we went wrong sexually....
    -Lets get back to where a 6 month relationship should be... hook ups about discovering the unknown....

-2nd Emotional
    -We are both very affectionate beings that know what being hurt feels like, we both know what it feels like to have someone care so much about u that u feel on top of the world.... Rushing with words was our next fault.... Maybe we just never got a chance to just like each other. We just started loving too fast and lost the passion in the process.... I didnt gain the trust that comes with early phases of a relationship..... I am fixing that now. 
    -6 months and I do love u... but maybe we just love being around each other, the feeling of security, the feeling of maturity, and the feeling that something this great must be love.... I believe that we both got confused with the word love and the meaning to love.... My love for u sees no end. I love the way u can challenge me,, ur driven, ur accomplished, ur a leader, ur own person, ur just simply u.... take it or leave it. So yes i know now that i do love u.

-3rd Control
   -I know that im not the most giving person in the world.... but i am willing to give u all the space u need to feel not dependent on me... I need that feeling too.
   -I am sorry for trying to control ur life sometimes... its just that i think of us as a unit not just 2 people together making their own decisions... thats where im wrong. U make ur moves for u first and then us.<----its how its supposed to be.  Im ok with doing the same.
  -I admit i sometimes would manipulate situations to seems like a greater deal than they were making it seem like i have ammunition for when we faught.  I just dont like being wrong and im sorry for not being truthful in that sense.

PRESENT
Now we stand at crossroads where u and i disagree on a lot of things and butt heads not budging for anything.  I am making an effort in my head to change this and treat u like a lady and like a lady should be treated meaning no vulgarity no responses that are hurtful and so on........ NO MANIPULATION of any kind.

I need to focus on school and get out of college and u need to do the same.  Something i used to put second to us. 

We need more time apart.  Its not that i dont love  being around u its jsut that our friends help shape us and we need to be with them more often. together and separate. We both need our own alone time and these i intend to make happen.

No pressure.... there is no pressure for u to give more than u can.  I just hope that we can keep the same level if not a higher level of communication about wants, needs, and feelings.... Leaving less stress and pressure for both of us.

HONESTY I am going to be totally honest with u from now on. I hope u will do the same.

FUTURE:
  -Ur internship is ur internship. not mine so take where u want to take it.  its ur choice.  if u want me to come i will if not then say so.

 -No talk of babies, rings, weddings, dogs, or anything that involves a life that we both are not ready for.  I know we both eventually want those things but a matter of when and with can remain out of question and response.

  -IF NOTHING IN THIS BLOG MAKES SENSE TO U THEN I HOPE U JUST UNDERSTAND THESE FEW THINGS......
     -I WANT THIS TO WORK.
     -WE CAN CHANGE US AND GET US BACK TO THE BASICS
    -I WILL ALWAYS LOVE U AND WILL ALWAYS HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE FOR U IN MY HEART.

with the most sincerity, and a hope of a brighter future,
    DSF

I miss u

Heres the one point i want to put out there.  I miss feeling your love throughout the day when ur tired and sick i want to take care of u like u want me to.  I feel like i havent been the best boyfriend recently and im sorry that its worked out the way it has.  I love every second of the day when im with u and i cant stand not being around u for more than 10 minutes.  Ur all thats on my mind all day and night and i just want u to feel like ur everything to me like u did in the beginning.  Miss u

Love u

Broken, Burned, Drifting, falling, turning, changing.......

Obviously we have reached a point where i am willing to change my life drastically to be with you.  I gotta be honest Im feeling like you do the same but dont stand by ur changes.  Of course this is not about me n u its about him.  I cant lie in sayin when i told you to go ahead and talk to him i wasnt exactly happy about it.    I kinda feel like i was forced into a situation where if i didnt change i would lose u so i changed 2 times because i didnt want to lose this.  Theres just gotta be some give back.

I dont know if u know this but when u try to hide that he texts u it just hurts even more.  It hurts because u would gladly lie to me to keep in touch with the person that makes me so insecure.  Ive wanted to tell u this since the beginning but i just kept getting the feeling that u wouldnt listen or u would tell me that he was such a big part of ur life that i just cant ask u to stop talking to him because u want to.  Well to be honest im a little shaken by it. Because the first time in the beginning i told u he wasnt after friendship he was after u. Turns out I was right.  I just hope u realize that it pushing me away to get closer to ur past.

If this is no use and u get mad at me for wanting a change then sorry i even spoke up. Guess i was just reading into it too much.  U told me once every couple weeks well its been consistently happening and i hope u can see that its hurting me.

I love u I really do but I just cant stand by and change everything about me for u if ur not willing to change one thing abotu the person who hurt u the most.

I hope u see what im seeing.

DSF