Made a huge mistake today, I visited her fb page.....
Destroyed, crushed, lost, and for what? Why do I do this? I thought I knew her.......... She never gave me that chance.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Hopefully all is well
First off havent judged or anything of the sort if that was directed towards me. I am also doing me just looking for feedback to make sure that I didnt completely kill our friendship with what has been said or done. Im ok hope u are too. No response is cool but just like a heads up would be nice. Anyways have fun.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Is that towards me?
I hope to god im not the subject of that last post. I havent said or even thought anything. lol hopefully u see that
Monday, June 6, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Lets see lets see.
Before I take my ride into the sunset or whatever I figured out that completely saying no to everything except what I wanna do is the best way to handle things. No change in anything but what I want and what I wanna do. If friends are doing something then thats cool I may be down. If I wanna go I will if not im not. Done thinking done asking done wondering done trying to understand because lets be for real the only thing that understands me are the notes that come through a song. Youngin' Blues, Banana Pancakes, Soul Sister, Hold on Loosely, Best Deceptions, Better and many many more.
And its far from over......
Bottles on me. Lets do this.
And its far from over......
Bottles on me. Lets do this.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
I should write a freaking book! The not so Amusement Park
This could be the one thing that I've been missing, lacking avoiding hating whatever. But u know what? Im ok. Sure the trip with u or Hindinho would have been the best week of my life but why let that lowly fact get me down?
Over the last few months/ full year I have learned, grown, matured, cried and loved more than I ever have in my entire life. A lot of these changes are from some situation that has completely thrown me for a loop and then some.
I have learned that I DSF am only good enough for the one who sees me as such. Recently I haven't felt that at all and who are we kidding I think u know it hasn't been shown. Its a two way street I know. Secondly I have learned that the passive aggressive approach to life gets u only deeper into the quick sand and further down the rabbit hole. (Dont worry I chased Alice and that damn rabbit and I end up sitting here writing to no one punching each key with a little more than feeling). Ive learned that no matter how much u want to see urself with the one ur with it only works if its a 50 50 exchange (it was and wasnt). I have learned that I am more than capable of transforming myself into the person that I want to be and the musician I will become. The guitar is no long a manner of storage its something that I am pushing to master. Ive written, thought, rapped, sang, and tuned every emotion I have felt for a long time. This is the day that Im like u know what? f*** it all because life throws me straight curveballs. I have learned that breaks arent given they are captured. A girl isnt going to give u love u take it. She isnt going to return ur calls u try until she answers. If she avoids them... well john wayne u get back on the god dog horse and say "screw u guys, Im going home!" (Cartman voice). I have learned that no matter what I have done for people its never returned (Not about bonnaroo no worries. Friends such as Chrittany and Bris). I have learned what it feels like to love something so much that when its gone ur physically in pain. I have learned how to suppress my own feelings in order to supplement others'. Nothing I would ever take back. U were my world... now you are in your's and im in mine.
Ive grown into a man that can count the number of mistakes Ive made by the number of times my hearts been broken. Ive grown into a self serve ice cream machine because I can be sweet but if Im not taken care of I give back a mushy mess. Ive grown into a family man. Ive grown into someone who doesnt see means just sees love, passion, desire and fun. Ive grown from swag to gq and vibe to mens health. Magazines to Novels. Buds to Flowers. Adolescent to Male.
Maturation is a really different sort of demon. Its the kind of girl that u wine and dine and nothing ever comes of it, its the perfect execution of a cross and the striker blows it over the bar, its the perfect verse without the perfect sound, its the perfect storm without all the wind and rain. U think ur going the right path but then ur soul is gone ur driver stripped and ur dignity slashed. Im not in the mode of guilt judgements or anger; but forgiveness I am in the neighborhood. Ive forgiven even the most insane behaviors forgiven the most horrible crimes and still the nice guy finishes where im standing. Alone, lost, and shattered. Im not looking for help or pity but I am looking something like the story of the little prince. Every line here has meaning every word a feeling and every feeling a reaction. READ DEEP to uncover the me no one has ever seen. The values and morals that I treasure.
Crying isnt something that I am exactly ok with but hey it happens right? Im not gonna front about the nights that I let love bring me to a dark room looking at a bottle. Im not gonna act like I havent thought about it or anything of the sort. What I am saying is that I know now that there is always something inside every human that pulls them away from those nights. The angel on ur shoulder or ur God or ur belief or whatever. (Religion is where im going with this. Something we never talked about and its a much bigger part of me than meets the eye). Its something that in my belief God has put into every person. Its that light at the end of the tunnel that if u keep pushing that gas, u keep those tires spinning u will eventually find urself living in a place where there is no such pain that causes tears. The tears that happen will be joyful. Its like the perfect cookout by the pool with the best burger, drink, company and memories ever experienced. I personally find great hope in this fact. THat only God has the power over me to push pull tuck and roll me into anything He wants. Theres way more of that than my readers have time for so I'll stop there.
Finally love. I love Music, Soccer, Fun, Family, Life and last but not least... You HCS.
Thank u for the memories. If I'm lucky enough our paths will cross again.
DSF
Over the last few months/ full year I have learned, grown, matured, cried and loved more than I ever have in my entire life. A lot of these changes are from some situation that has completely thrown me for a loop and then some.
I have learned that I DSF am only good enough for the one who sees me as such. Recently I haven't felt that at all and who are we kidding I think u know it hasn't been shown. Its a two way street I know. Secondly I have learned that the passive aggressive approach to life gets u only deeper into the quick sand and further down the rabbit hole. (Dont worry I chased Alice and that damn rabbit and I end up sitting here writing to no one punching each key with a little more than feeling). Ive learned that no matter how much u want to see urself with the one ur with it only works if its a 50 50 exchange (it was and wasnt). I have learned that I am more than capable of transforming myself into the person that I want to be and the musician I will become. The guitar is no long a manner of storage its something that I am pushing to master. Ive written, thought, rapped, sang, and tuned every emotion I have felt for a long time. This is the day that Im like u know what? f*** it all because life throws me straight curveballs. I have learned that breaks arent given they are captured. A girl isnt going to give u love u take it. She isnt going to return ur calls u try until she answers. If she avoids them... well john wayne u get back on the god dog horse and say "screw u guys, Im going home!" (Cartman voice). I have learned that no matter what I have done for people its never returned (Not about bonnaroo no worries. Friends such as Chrittany and Bris). I have learned what it feels like to love something so much that when its gone ur physically in pain. I have learned how to suppress my own feelings in order to supplement others'. Nothing I would ever take back. U were my world... now you are in your's and im in mine.
Ive grown into a man that can count the number of mistakes Ive made by the number of times my hearts been broken. Ive grown into a self serve ice cream machine because I can be sweet but if Im not taken care of I give back a mushy mess. Ive grown into a family man. Ive grown into someone who doesnt see means just sees love, passion, desire and fun. Ive grown from swag to gq and vibe to mens health. Magazines to Novels. Buds to Flowers. Adolescent to Male.
Maturation is a really different sort of demon. Its the kind of girl that u wine and dine and nothing ever comes of it, its the perfect execution of a cross and the striker blows it over the bar, its the perfect verse without the perfect sound, its the perfect storm without all the wind and rain. U think ur going the right path but then ur soul is gone ur driver stripped and ur dignity slashed. Im not in the mode of guilt judgements or anger; but forgiveness I am in the neighborhood. Ive forgiven even the most insane behaviors forgiven the most horrible crimes and still the nice guy finishes where im standing. Alone, lost, and shattered. Im not looking for help or pity but I am looking something like the story of the little prince. Every line here has meaning every word a feeling and every feeling a reaction. READ DEEP to uncover the me no one has ever seen. The values and morals that I treasure.
Crying isnt something that I am exactly ok with but hey it happens right? Im not gonna front about the nights that I let love bring me to a dark room looking at a bottle. Im not gonna act like I havent thought about it or anything of the sort. What I am saying is that I know now that there is always something inside every human that pulls them away from those nights. The angel on ur shoulder or ur God or ur belief or whatever. (Religion is where im going with this. Something we never talked about and its a much bigger part of me than meets the eye). Its something that in my belief God has put into every person. Its that light at the end of the tunnel that if u keep pushing that gas, u keep those tires spinning u will eventually find urself living in a place where there is no such pain that causes tears. The tears that happen will be joyful. Its like the perfect cookout by the pool with the best burger, drink, company and memories ever experienced. I personally find great hope in this fact. THat only God has the power over me to push pull tuck and roll me into anything He wants. Theres way more of that than my readers have time for so I'll stop there.
Finally love. I love Music, Soccer, Fun, Family, Life and last but not least... You HCS.
Thank u for the memories. If I'm lucky enough our paths will cross again.
DSF
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