So I feel like I am gonna be able to help u a little bit. SLOW UR ASS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been trying to telll u to enjoy ur senior season with limited if any setbacks. Seriously just chill..... It will all work out and one day ur gonna look back and be like man I knew he was right.....
Soooo tired,
DSF
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Honesty solves all...
So first off the day with the gf has comepletely left me in shock and awe because she is the only thing in my life that I will do anything and everything to strive for. I know that that feeling goes both ways and im working extremely hard to stop being jealous and trust her completely.... Its not that I dont trust her its just the fact that I am so terrified of letting her slip through my grasp that I feel like im forcing her into choices that she doesn't want to make, meaning staying home instead of shopping or whatever. So from this point on I am going to live by the 38 Special song "Hold on loosely" basically im gonna force myself to let anything go on completely take the ties off her so she can have the freedom that she deserves, I know she would never hurt me but at the slim chance that her ex or any other guy catches her eye Im sure I will not be able to recover..... ever.....
Onto the next one. HCS listen to what Im saying and actually hear this, National Team or School, its a big choice that unfortunately u have to make alone.... If it helps at all u know how much u mean to me, and I am so proud of u and always will be... If u give it all up completely and join some crazy ass dance class I will still be proud of u. Thats number 1. Number 2, your parents and all family members love u and dont give a damn one way or another about what u do, they ultimately want their baby girl to be happy, remember that. Your team will surely miss u that goes without saying, but maybe its time to join a new team.... of designers where u can start making millions so I dont have to work anymore..... Idk just a thought. The girls u coach wont care one way or another if u decide career or sport because ur still gonna be the great coach that they want to learn from and look up to as an adult, mentor, icon not because u swim on the national team but simply because ur the sweetest and most caring person that knows how to please a child while coaching them at the same time. I will support your decision regardless and will support u in whatever direction u take, I would be lying if I said that I didnt want u to be in town for the next 2 years but if u choose to go we'll figure something out. So ultimately the weighted pressure of letting people down is no longer an issue because its YOUR life not theirs and U get to decide what happens during it.
Next quitting......... I dont think thats the right terminology, I would say skipping a chapter to get to the action is a better way of putting it. U didnt fail, u accomplished every athletes dream of wearing red, white, and blue. Ur a national champion, and are well on ur way to repeat, so failing doesnt work either. Put that out of ur mind and look at what would make u the happiest. School+Guy or Sport+Guy...Notice I will be in either choice.
Im dead tired.
Im gonna end on with a little food for thought.
Which one will help your future? Which one will make you happy?
The glass is half full
DSF
Onto the next one. HCS listen to what Im saying and actually hear this, National Team or School, its a big choice that unfortunately u have to make alone.... If it helps at all u know how much u mean to me, and I am so proud of u and always will be... If u give it all up completely and join some crazy ass dance class I will still be proud of u. Thats number 1. Number 2, your parents and all family members love u and dont give a damn one way or another about what u do, they ultimately want their baby girl to be happy, remember that. Your team will surely miss u that goes without saying, but maybe its time to join a new team.... of designers where u can start making millions so I dont have to work anymore..... Idk just a thought. The girls u coach wont care one way or another if u decide career or sport because ur still gonna be the great coach that they want to learn from and look up to as an adult, mentor, icon not because u swim on the national team but simply because ur the sweetest and most caring person that knows how to please a child while coaching them at the same time. I will support your decision regardless and will support u in whatever direction u take, I would be lying if I said that I didnt want u to be in town for the next 2 years but if u choose to go we'll figure something out. So ultimately the weighted pressure of letting people down is no longer an issue because its YOUR life not theirs and U get to decide what happens during it.
Next quitting......... I dont think thats the right terminology, I would say skipping a chapter to get to the action is a better way of putting it. U didnt fail, u accomplished every athletes dream of wearing red, white, and blue. Ur a national champion, and are well on ur way to repeat, so failing doesnt work either. Put that out of ur mind and look at what would make u the happiest. School+Guy or Sport+Guy...Notice I will be in either choice.
Im dead tired.
Im gonna end on with a little food for thought.
Which one will help your future? Which one will make you happy?
The glass is half full
DSF
Friday, October 9, 2009
Greed, Hate, Envy, Frustration, Disgust
Well post number 2...
When push comes to shove I am who I am and I dont care if u think otherwise.....
Today was simply a bad day.... Work sucked because my job consists of tension, anger, frustration and disgust. Thats that....
Im hurt because the person I love most doesnt understand what makes me feel terrible. Greed being the first, I wish I could give her all the fancy diamonds and designer clothes that past relationships brought, we've talked about it but as much as I say im ok with it I cant stand to be second best in anything whether its through her eyes or mine it doesnt matter. Next is hate I hate the way that I plan my life around her when im just another suit in the deck, notice I didnt say card I know im more important to her than Im making it sound but me feeling bad because I want her to come with me to my friends place and what seems to be forcing her just kills me inside. Next is envy, I envy the fact that she knows what she wants to do in life and I dont, if she only knew what she is capable of she would have it all put in front of her, I envy the fact that shes an incredible athlete something I've always dreamed of being. Im frustrated with the fact that im so insecure with everything about me and i just cant seem to turn the page, im frustrated with the fact that she is so afraid to let me see her at a weak moment that she covers her face when she cries and she wont tell me that something is wrong. Im frustrated with her sport because it puts her decisions into a shuffle and she cant make up her mind on being done or being a designer. Finally Im just generally disgusted with feeling like the ass who tells her how it is, I cant be the bad guy any longer because im afraid of losing her. There really is no way for me to be strong for her, us, me when i have the pressures coming at me from 50 different angles.
Trying not to get lossed in the shuffle,
DSF
When push comes to shove I am who I am and I dont care if u think otherwise.....
Today was simply a bad day.... Work sucked because my job consists of tension, anger, frustration and disgust. Thats that....
Im hurt because the person I love most doesnt understand what makes me feel terrible. Greed being the first, I wish I could give her all the fancy diamonds and designer clothes that past relationships brought, we've talked about it but as much as I say im ok with it I cant stand to be second best in anything whether its through her eyes or mine it doesnt matter. Next is hate I hate the way that I plan my life around her when im just another suit in the deck, notice I didnt say card I know im more important to her than Im making it sound but me feeling bad because I want her to come with me to my friends place and what seems to be forcing her just kills me inside. Next is envy, I envy the fact that she knows what she wants to do in life and I dont, if she only knew what she is capable of she would have it all put in front of her, I envy the fact that shes an incredible athlete something I've always dreamed of being. Im frustrated with the fact that im so insecure with everything about me and i just cant seem to turn the page, im frustrated with the fact that she is so afraid to let me see her at a weak moment that she covers her face when she cries and she wont tell me that something is wrong. Im frustrated with her sport because it puts her decisions into a shuffle and she cant make up her mind on being done or being a designer. Finally Im just generally disgusted with feeling like the ass who tells her how it is, I cant be the bad guy any longer because im afraid of losing her. There really is no way for me to be strong for her, us, me when i have the pressures coming at me from 50 different angles.
Trying not to get lossed in the shuffle,
DSF
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Once upon a time....
Hello all Im a 21 year college student who is picking up on this blog thing. First off Im not sure where to begin except for the beginning....
I became who I am today when I met the love of my life.... We'll just call her My Truth.... I grew up in a middle income household with a great family life, I always did well in school and I had no real reason to complain. I honestly believe that the reason I find it so hard to be motivated lies in the sole reason that I was never really challenged in life until college. I had never really faced what some people call the wrong path and where some people's lives really take a nose dive. Winter quarter my freshman year I started living in a way that I thought was never possible. I let school sort of drift and float hoping my smarts would keep me above water. Before I knew it I was two years in not giving a damn about anything or anyone but who didnt show the slightest attention towards me. As confusing as it might sound I just needed someone other than mommy or daddy to push me and make me want to be better....
It is now my first quarter of my senior year. I still really havent found a passion and an terrified that I will be sucked into a life where I wont be happy with what I've become. I know that My Truth will be right next to me throughout the rest of my days but I just cant seem to put a finger on who I am and who I want ME to be....
My Truth has been a godsend making me believe that although God has shown me a good life he also allows for you to reach ur goals. Im just waiting for the moment to say this is who I am and maybe one day I'll say it but as for right not I gotta be happy with me....
P.S. Im pretty sure she reads this so I'll throw the shout out. Baby girl u have seriously taken me out of the shark tank and given me wings... I want to accomplish everything with u and for u hopefully I'll get there.
Belief is only a state of mind, whereas achieving is a place in time...
DSF
I became who I am today when I met the love of my life.... We'll just call her My Truth.... I grew up in a middle income household with a great family life, I always did well in school and I had no real reason to complain. I honestly believe that the reason I find it so hard to be motivated lies in the sole reason that I was never really challenged in life until college. I had never really faced what some people call the wrong path and where some people's lives really take a nose dive. Winter quarter my freshman year I started living in a way that I thought was never possible. I let school sort of drift and float hoping my smarts would keep me above water. Before I knew it I was two years in not giving a damn about anything or anyone but who didnt show the slightest attention towards me. As confusing as it might sound I just needed someone other than mommy or daddy to push me and make me want to be better....
It is now my first quarter of my senior year. I still really havent found a passion and an terrified that I will be sucked into a life where I wont be happy with what I've become. I know that My Truth will be right next to me throughout the rest of my days but I just cant seem to put a finger on who I am and who I want ME to be....
My Truth has been a godsend making me believe that although God has shown me a good life he also allows for you to reach ur goals. Im just waiting for the moment to say this is who I am and maybe one day I'll say it but as for right not I gotta be happy with me....
P.S. Im pretty sure she reads this so I'll throw the shout out. Baby girl u have seriously taken me out of the shark tank and given me wings... I want to accomplish everything with u and for u hopefully I'll get there.
Belief is only a state of mind, whereas achieving is a place in time...
DSF
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