Well post number 2...
When push comes to shove I am who I am and I dont care if u think otherwise.....
Today was simply a bad day.... Work sucked because my job consists of tension, anger, frustration and disgust. Thats that....
Im hurt because the person I love most doesnt understand what makes me feel terrible. Greed being the first, I wish I could give her all the fancy diamonds and designer clothes that past relationships brought, we've talked about it but as much as I say im ok with it I cant stand to be second best in anything whether its through her eyes or mine it doesnt matter. Next is hate I hate the way that I plan my life around her when im just another suit in the deck, notice I didnt say card I know im more important to her than Im making it sound but me feeling bad because I want her to come with me to my friends place and what seems to be forcing her just kills me inside. Next is envy, I envy the fact that she knows what she wants to do in life and I dont, if she only knew what she is capable of she would have it all put in front of her, I envy the fact that shes an incredible athlete something I've always dreamed of being. Im frustrated with the fact that im so insecure with everything about me and i just cant seem to turn the page, im frustrated with the fact that she is so afraid to let me see her at a weak moment that she covers her face when she cries and she wont tell me that something is wrong. Im frustrated with her sport because it puts her decisions into a shuffle and she cant make up her mind on being done or being a designer. Finally Im just generally disgusted with feeling like the ass who tells her how it is, I cant be the bad guy any longer because im afraid of losing her. There really is no way for me to be strong for her, us, me when i have the pressures coming at me from 50 different angles.
Trying not to get lossed in the shuffle,
DSF
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment