Time... why u punish me

So heres this today im going to record my songs. Im nervous as hell hopefully it happens the way I want it to so we explode onto the scene....

Yesterday was miserable.... I got kicked out of her apt. Sorry for puttin u in a bad spot. Listen to the song these days by rascal it really speaks to what im feeling and its kinda like a wtf momoent for me everyday when i know u dont want ot hear from me..... Im hurtin.

My life other tahn that is moving in the right direction.... so all is well there


Heres what im gonna say..... If u let someone run ur life for u then u never have the chance to be u.....

Pretty much i know i've already lost u because u dont talk to me because he said so..... Its dumb but what can u do....
Either love me or leave me alone... Jay-Z

Smart man

Oh what a night...

Well where to begin. Last night I worked as a bartender and made some good money.... After that the plan was to go to CT and Ts apt to drink what was left over from the auction.

As I was driving along the freeway something mysterious, divine idk what ever u want to call it took over and helped me decide to go to HCS's place.  I wanted the visit to show her that I was able to be just her friend, just someone to lean on when shes lonely... Because lets be honest i need that too... I got there and then those eyes took over....

Idk if i crossed a line or if i was right in the ballpark of what u wanted to happen. Im not gonna apologize because my night was wonderful because of it.  Butterflies, rush, a feeling of home and an overwhelming feeling that I was just soooo happy to have everything going in the right direction for once.  I did let u see the inside of me and see who I am deep down. 

I think because of last night today was a great day too. I wasnt in a rush to hear from u and that was a good sign, sure i texted u but i let u come to me too.  I didnt want to pressure u and make u feel like i was moving in for the kill or anything like that I just wanted u to know that I was thinking about u.

I have a total of 12 songs written only 1 of which is actually ready for music.... If my email would work it would have music to it right now.

Anyways Im kinda pumped because u may call me if u dont its totally cool and im not sitting thinking what are u doing and who are u talkin to haha. Trust me im cool right now....

Forever is a mystery,

Dante

Start of something

Tomorrow I am going to the guitarists house. We're gonna lay some of my songs down. Or some of my writing anyway.  Im so happy becasue it seems that somebody was right. Thanks for believing in me.

I threw up from the workout today and thats a first... I dont know what to say but this is surely kicking my ass.

I am feeling a lot better since the one night we talked and I only think about u rather than the situation so basically i've come a long way... Anyways im gonna go to T-pains for the Evan Turner show....

GO BUCKS,

Drifting, fading, loving, dreaming.....

Dante

Hope u like ur shoes :)

Hahaha so today was a lot better.... I've decided that im ok with how things are in my life.  I've lost 1.5 lbs. and its only day 4 so im excited to lose 30

I dont know what it is but im not so jealous anymore because i've found the old me and really have rememberred how to speak to other girls and guys and meet new people....

I've changed for the better and I have u to thank for it. Thank u so much Lively and I would love it if u were happy too.  I miss seeing ur face every once in a while and i think thats normal. Its ok for me to feel like i lossed out on something but i have gained me back. Im better about everything Hannah ur an amazing girl and u touch people..... The emotional leader.

You have touched me and im so glad that u were the one to do it.

I'm well on my way with music and anthony said that im part of his acoustic act with this other guy that can sing.... They've already talked to bars and they're interested... Maybe you'll come see us play.

Loving the moments where u define life,

Dante

Heres to everyone whos been there

I feel like the last couple years and months of my life have been revolved around finding "the one" Im pretty sure that that person exists only in dreams.

If u find someone who makes u really happy and is willing to devote themselves to a life with u then jump on it and work with them.  Im sorry for all the confusion dealing with this situation but i feel like i had a right to be confused.  If he is who makes u happy then i'll swallow the huge lump of frustration and disgust for him and try to like him.  I dont think ur gonna read this anymore but it just feels good to realize all this for me and see it because im saying it.

Im not sure why i keep coming back to this point in my recovery where im just kinda like fuck it all sorta thing.  One day i hope i get another chance at a girl who makes me as happy as u did.  I hope the lonely nights apart and the solitary mornings for each of us move quickly so we dont dwell on things.... Im trying to be over u and im trying to feel better.  I just wish life never gets this bad again.

I'll leave this with the first two lines of the song i just wrote....

Forever is a mystery
Tomorrow never comes
I've been fighting through our history
Hoping to be done...

I've cruised through the finish
waiting to see this through
living in the moment
I relish
but still Im empty and blue

Cause im slitting my wrist with lollipops
Waiting for this call not to drop
Feelings to deep, to deep to stop
I listened and now Im drifting from reality....
You'll see me.

Theres more but u dont want to hear it anyways.... trust me it flows on the guitar.... im kinda proud of it

Dante

I cant read any of ur recent posts

Just drained all over thinking about the end

My body hurts form p90x... Just think about the goal... accomplish something for u Dante just do what u gotta do to be better for everyone....

My mind hurts from thinking about the future.... I cant focus on anythin but fixing what i helped destroy, I wish that i could convince her that eveything will be alright and that hes not worth it and i am but thats never gonna happen, shes already invested herself to him, she says shes not committed to anyone but until the day comes where she dates someone other than me or him i wont believe her. Im in no position to control her life and i dont want to. I hope that she'll learn from her future mistakes and find a guy who really deserves her because he doesnt.  Enough about all that Ive spent all my time worrying if she'll be ok and if shes gonna make it.  I care but i cant care because she wants me to let her go.  Just a final note i think that its pretty childish how the entire thing was handled and im pissed because she doesnt care anymore about fixing us. I cant stand not knowing her and i cant stand seeing u fall back into something with him.

Fuck it dante u need to just move forward shes never coming back and shes not gonna regret leaving ur bum ass....  U will never have a chance with her and u will never find another like her. Ur not gonna make it as anything because u care way too much about other people.....

Im emotionally hurt and want this gap in my chest to heal. I feel like im the biggest fuck up ever....

If ur reading this u already know more than anyone else about me and honestly theres nothing more to discover.  I hope ur feeling better about how everything turned out and what u did to me.... I dont

Im just gonna fall into the abyss with every other guy that got dropped. 

Fuck my life i want another shot at this. I want to turn back time and forget about the pain i want to make u feel this way for a change because u dont have any idea where im headed and honestly i dont think u care. For ur sake i hope u dont care.... remember when i told u about that day at the pool with jillian? Im really thinking about taking it a step further....

Sorry to burden u with that, and sorry to burden u with me.

Sincerely,
   Your fuck up, Dante