Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Just drained all over thinking about the end
My body hurts form p90x... Just think about the goal... accomplish something for u Dante just do what u gotta do to be better for everyone....
My mind hurts from thinking about the future.... I cant focus on anythin but fixing what i helped destroy, I wish that i could convince her that eveything will be alright and that hes not worth it and i am but thats never gonna happen, shes already invested herself to him, she says shes not committed to anyone but until the day comes where she dates someone other than me or him i wont believe her. Im in no position to control her life and i dont want to. I hope that she'll learn from her future mistakes and find a guy who really deserves her because he doesnt. Enough about all that Ive spent all my time worrying if she'll be ok and if shes gonna make it. I care but i cant care because she wants me to let her go. Just a final note i think that its pretty childish how the entire thing was handled and im pissed because she doesnt care anymore about fixing us. I cant stand not knowing her and i cant stand seeing u fall back into something with him.
Fuck it dante u need to just move forward shes never coming back and shes not gonna regret leaving ur bum ass.... U will never have a chance with her and u will never find another like her. Ur not gonna make it as anything because u care way too much about other people.....
Im emotionally hurt and want this gap in my chest to heal. I feel like im the biggest fuck up ever....
If ur reading this u already know more than anyone else about me and honestly theres nothing more to discover. I hope ur feeling better about how everything turned out and what u did to me.... I dont
Im just gonna fall into the abyss with every other guy that got dropped.
Fuck my life i want another shot at this. I want to turn back time and forget about the pain i want to make u feel this way for a change because u dont have any idea where im headed and honestly i dont think u care. For ur sake i hope u dont care.... remember when i told u about that day at the pool with jillian? Im really thinking about taking it a step further....
Sorry to burden u with that, and sorry to burden u with me.
Sincerely,
Your fuck up, Dante
My mind hurts from thinking about the future.... I cant focus on anythin but fixing what i helped destroy, I wish that i could convince her that eveything will be alright and that hes not worth it and i am but thats never gonna happen, shes already invested herself to him, she says shes not committed to anyone but until the day comes where she dates someone other than me or him i wont believe her. Im in no position to control her life and i dont want to. I hope that she'll learn from her future mistakes and find a guy who really deserves her because he doesnt. Enough about all that Ive spent all my time worrying if she'll be ok and if shes gonna make it. I care but i cant care because she wants me to let her go. Just a final note i think that its pretty childish how the entire thing was handled and im pissed because she doesnt care anymore about fixing us. I cant stand not knowing her and i cant stand seeing u fall back into something with him.
Fuck it dante u need to just move forward shes never coming back and shes not gonna regret leaving ur bum ass.... U will never have a chance with her and u will never find another like her. Ur not gonna make it as anything because u care way too much about other people.....
Im emotionally hurt and want this gap in my chest to heal. I feel like im the biggest fuck up ever....
If ur reading this u already know more than anyone else about me and honestly theres nothing more to discover. I hope ur feeling better about how everything turned out and what u did to me.... I dont
Im just gonna fall into the abyss with every other guy that got dropped.
Fuck my life i want another shot at this. I want to turn back time and forget about the pain i want to make u feel this way for a change because u dont have any idea where im headed and honestly i dont think u care. For ur sake i hope u dont care.... remember when i told u about that day at the pool with jillian? Im really thinking about taking it a step further....
Sorry to burden u with that, and sorry to burden u with me.
Sincerely,
Your fuck up, Dante
Might have blown my lid
Ok so i was super hurt and pissed yesterday and just needed to vent... Thats all....
D
D
Monday, March 22, 2010
Hail to the dumbass.... This is the last time I will cry over u....
Well lets just start with the fact that being in love is dumb.... It never actually works for anyone.
This goes out to everyone that cares. HCS if thats u then please read on if not then stop now cause things are gonna get a little heated and u may never talk to me again.....
This is my last post so lets go out with a bang....
To my friends I love u guys and thank u for being here and there as I conclude this journey i've taken....
HCS I have so many feelings that u have no idea who i am and what i think... Grow up first of all... I will do the same, T is always gonna be number one in ur life and u cant even bring him home.... I'll speak freely, ur sisters dont like him, they tolerated him cause u were "happy" (proven by the trip to the place where u never wanna go) He never treated u like i did and i know that... It just sucks that ur not smart enough to realize that hes not gonna change. He basically raped u after u broke up, basically turned ur mind into his little trap where he can jsut take u where ever he wants. Im done trying to put u back together because it seems only assholes who try to take girls away from stability can. I was happy and will be happy again because someone someday is gonna realize what i bring to the table. This is something u have failed to do. Honestly ur being shallow when u talk about cali being so great, if u have love location means nothing, so shame on me for feeling everything i did, i regret feeling so secure and opening my soul to your mind games, u left me on the hook just in case he hurts u....
This middle finger goes out to Home wrecker.... T ur the lowest individual I have ever had the pleasure of not knowing... Im so glad that u have money and that girls follow u into the abyss they think brings happiness into life. What u did to me i would never do to u because how I feel I would never make an individual feel. U know its kinda funny how ur material stuff results in u being a good guy for people. Fuck urself.
The last one goes to me... Im an idiot for actually believing what i did and feeling what i felt. Couldnt listen to everyone say dude shes done and u need to be too... I never deserved any of this and I hope this makes u feel a little bit like u dont deserve me. I wrote u a song, HCS, its called Feelings and Dreams, hatred and screams...
I hope u never return to the life u had and that ur slope only goes down.... But right now im turning around and running from u because when u took my heart u stole my mind..... That will never ahppen again. I can never be replaces and one day when ur feeling empty ur gonna think of Owjl and how it made u happy.... Skype and how it brought us closer, Life and how ur running from it..... One day you'll wake up and hopefully for my sake u realize what i am......
Cutting my wrists with Lollipops....
Dante
This goes out to everyone that cares. HCS if thats u then please read on if not then stop now cause things are gonna get a little heated and u may never talk to me again.....
This is my last post so lets go out with a bang....
To my friends I love u guys and thank u for being here and there as I conclude this journey i've taken....
HCS I have so many feelings that u have no idea who i am and what i think... Grow up first of all... I will do the same, T is always gonna be number one in ur life and u cant even bring him home.... I'll speak freely, ur sisters dont like him, they tolerated him cause u were "happy" (proven by the trip to the place where u never wanna go) He never treated u like i did and i know that... It just sucks that ur not smart enough to realize that hes not gonna change. He basically raped u after u broke up, basically turned ur mind into his little trap where he can jsut take u where ever he wants. Im done trying to put u back together because it seems only assholes who try to take girls away from stability can. I was happy and will be happy again because someone someday is gonna realize what i bring to the table. This is something u have failed to do. Honestly ur being shallow when u talk about cali being so great, if u have love location means nothing, so shame on me for feeling everything i did, i regret feeling so secure and opening my soul to your mind games, u left me on the hook just in case he hurts u....
This middle finger goes out to Home wrecker.... T ur the lowest individual I have ever had the pleasure of not knowing... Im so glad that u have money and that girls follow u into the abyss they think brings happiness into life. What u did to me i would never do to u because how I feel I would never make an individual feel. U know its kinda funny how ur material stuff results in u being a good guy for people. Fuck urself.
The last one goes to me... Im an idiot for actually believing what i did and feeling what i felt. Couldnt listen to everyone say dude shes done and u need to be too... I never deserved any of this and I hope this makes u feel a little bit like u dont deserve me. I wrote u a song, HCS, its called Feelings and Dreams, hatred and screams...
I hope u never return to the life u had and that ur slope only goes down.... But right now im turning around and running from u because when u took my heart u stole my mind..... That will never ahppen again. I can never be replaces and one day when ur feeling empty ur gonna think of Owjl and how it made u happy.... Skype and how it brought us closer, Life and how ur running from it..... One day you'll wake up and hopefully for my sake u realize what i am......
Cutting my wrists with Lollipops....
Dante
Im just gonna be me
I have nothin else to give except my love. I hope one day u will realize thats all u need.
Crushed, crushin, and busted....
DSF
Crushed, crushin, and busted....
DSF
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Im not sure....
So basically im not sure and have no idea what, who, why, or how i want my life to be with....
Im just so physically tired of being down.... I just want a moment of time for me to be happy....
Everything, except for the feelings that people are telling u not to feel, leads to him and there and life past ohio.....
I just wish that i were in his shoes for 5 minutes and actually feel ur complete love and devotion like he did.... I never got to experience H without synchro and without all the other drama in life....
I would give the world to be there and just feel like i had a fighting chance for a day....
Lets face it i know u love me because we share this bond of feelings, people are holding u back from feeling them and it sucks because no one is telling u not to feel them for him.... Just fighting a losing battle, my emotions are so far stretched to each side of the spectrum that idk what to feel what to believe what to know and what to see.... I am done worrying about other feelings and im done sugar coating things to protect u....
Heres what i really want and feel. I want to be the ONLY person that u think about when we hang out, like u were when we first started, ur a mentally tough person and ur not giving me a chance because u think all these feelings result in needing more time, I say bullshit.... ur afraid to head down a path like that with me because u wont let him go.... nor do u want to.... I guess it sucks because i never treated u like he did and i never would but right now i gotta look after me....
I enjoy the fact that i am even considered in ur feelings and ur mom telling u not to lead me on just explains to me that im not the only person that knows whats gonna happen... Ur gonna leave the buckeye state behind and everyone whos here is gone from the picture too including me... as much as u want to tell me thats not the case H u know that hes gonna win out because simply because we were dating and he stole ur heart from me.... Something i could never and WOULD NEVER do... thats low...
I respected the relationship probably when u were most vulnerable in ur life, think about it I could have been HBS the III...
I guess why im feeling so weird is because i feel like the other guy... like ur already with him mentally and it sucks because i never got a chance....
DSF
Im just so physically tired of being down.... I just want a moment of time for me to be happy....
Everything, except for the feelings that people are telling u not to feel, leads to him and there and life past ohio.....
I just wish that i were in his shoes for 5 minutes and actually feel ur complete love and devotion like he did.... I never got to experience H without synchro and without all the other drama in life....
I would give the world to be there and just feel like i had a fighting chance for a day....
Lets face it i know u love me because we share this bond of feelings, people are holding u back from feeling them and it sucks because no one is telling u not to feel them for him.... Just fighting a losing battle, my emotions are so far stretched to each side of the spectrum that idk what to feel what to believe what to know and what to see.... I am done worrying about other feelings and im done sugar coating things to protect u....
Heres what i really want and feel. I want to be the ONLY person that u think about when we hang out, like u were when we first started, ur a mentally tough person and ur not giving me a chance because u think all these feelings result in needing more time, I say bullshit.... ur afraid to head down a path like that with me because u wont let him go.... nor do u want to.... I guess it sucks because i never treated u like he did and i never would but right now i gotta look after me....
I enjoy the fact that i am even considered in ur feelings and ur mom telling u not to lead me on just explains to me that im not the only person that knows whats gonna happen... Ur gonna leave the buckeye state behind and everyone whos here is gone from the picture too including me... as much as u want to tell me thats not the case H u know that hes gonna win out because simply because we were dating and he stole ur heart from me.... Something i could never and WOULD NEVER do... thats low...
I respected the relationship probably when u were most vulnerable in ur life, think about it I could have been HBS the III...
I guess why im feeling so weird is because i feel like the other guy... like ur already with him mentally and it sucks because i never got a chance....
DSF
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Just one slow down.... please?
Yeah the 8 miles were my idea but in the same time I was trying to impress u because u said that T never did anything active.... Translation I was suckin wind pretty hard but just the feeling that someone was actually into what I felt then doing 8 miles was even easier than i thought. Idk last night u said that u couldnt sleep and that ur pissed at urself for a number of reasons....
The first being that ur pissed u gave into synchro.... The only thing i can say is that when i was never able to play competitive soccer again i missed it so much. Ur lucky because u get to end ur career a champion, with a little more money in ur pocket. I know its gonna take hard work, tired evenings, and stress and drama.... Seriously by now ur probably used to those whats one more month?
The second being that ur pissed at urself for being here... Idk if that here physically or here emotionally.... Physically here in this part of the country is for school, and maybe it is something with us that still needs to be figured out.... The emotionally here point i feel like ur starting to feel somewhat in the same boat as i am.... I know where u are and i can see that ur not happy.... Just try looking forward to being out of school and looking forward to the last few months in ohio because im sure ur never coming back.... not for me or ur family.... Trust me that realization is killing me
Ur mad at urself for feeling this way but in reality ur just caring about the right decision.... thanks for that i really do feel honored that im even being thought of at this point....
The final point was that part of u wants to jump backk into things wiht me to make it easier....
Idk waht to say to this.... its probably better that we arent together because once the summer happens we're gonna be back here and T is gonna be even more of a factor because hes closer.... im not gonna lie that i would probably get back together with u if there were some changes in both of us.... There needs to be more of an emphasis on being happy and I need to be the only guy on ur mind.... Not the case right now.... So idk i feel like u can recover from this and that we can too.... I hope one day i do get another shot with u but seriously we both kinda know that thats not gonna happen.... I mean ur done with ohio once school is out and ur never looking back.... Ur gone pedal to the floor running from here....
I guess I would just settle for a slow down..........
DSF
The first being that ur pissed u gave into synchro.... The only thing i can say is that when i was never able to play competitive soccer again i missed it so much. Ur lucky because u get to end ur career a champion, with a little more money in ur pocket. I know its gonna take hard work, tired evenings, and stress and drama.... Seriously by now ur probably used to those whats one more month?
The second being that ur pissed at urself for being here... Idk if that here physically or here emotionally.... Physically here in this part of the country is for school, and maybe it is something with us that still needs to be figured out.... The emotionally here point i feel like ur starting to feel somewhat in the same boat as i am.... I know where u are and i can see that ur not happy.... Just try looking forward to being out of school and looking forward to the last few months in ohio because im sure ur never coming back.... not for me or ur family.... Trust me that realization is killing me
Ur mad at urself for feeling this way but in reality ur just caring about the right decision.... thanks for that i really do feel honored that im even being thought of at this point....
The final point was that part of u wants to jump backk into things wiht me to make it easier....
Idk waht to say to this.... its probably better that we arent together because once the summer happens we're gonna be back here and T is gonna be even more of a factor because hes closer.... im not gonna lie that i would probably get back together with u if there were some changes in both of us.... There needs to be more of an emphasis on being happy and I need to be the only guy on ur mind.... Not the case right now.... So idk i feel like u can recover from this and that we can too.... I hope one day i do get another shot with u but seriously we both kinda know that thats not gonna happen.... I mean ur done with ohio once school is out and ur never looking back.... Ur gone pedal to the floor running from here....
I guess I would just settle for a slow down..........
DSF
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